As we head into the new year, I’m reminded that I don’t really love New Year’s Resolutions. Why?
I hate the idea that we set this lofty goal for ourselves, just to find that we’ve ‘failed’ later because we didn’t stick to our goal 100%. Every year, I do find myself with that little burst of ‘reset’ motivation: I’m going to go back to the gym, clean up my diet, journal every day… and every year I look back with a tinge of guilt that I didn’t live up to all of those things. So, while I set my intentions for this year, I also want to take a look back on the things that I’m really freaking proud of.
This year, one of the biggest things I’m proud of is building a solid community in a new city. Making new friends as an adult is hard, especially in a brand new place. Starting over in a new place sounds so romantic and exciting, and it is, but it can come with a feeling of loneliness and isolation when you’re starting from nothing again.
Building that community doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t even happen quickly. It comes from making conscious choices to keep showing up, especially when it’s easier to just stay home.
In 2024…
I moved across the country. Again.
Yep, you read that right. I moved from Phoenix to Chicago in 2023, just to pack up and move from Chicago to Denver in the summer in 2024. Hindsight is always 20/20, but that move was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.
Why did I move?
Originally, I moved from Phoenix to Chicago because I felt like I needed a new start in a new city. In a lot of ways, I was right. I never felt like my life was in Phoenix; it was always a transitory place for me, but I tried to make the best of it while I was there. I’m grateful for all my close friends I met there (and many who still live there) and it will always hold a special place in my heart. But, it always felt like something was missing.
When I visited Chicago, everything felt perfect. Very few times have I ever visited a city and immediately felt drawn to it. I spent a little over a year getting ready to move and getting there felt like finally achieving a huge goal. Even though I only lived there for a year, Chicago was the closest I’d ever felt to being ‘home,’ and I felt it instantly.
I spent a good amount of time there thinking about my long-term goals: where did I see myself in five years, where did I want my career to go, how did I want to continue to show up for myself…
Then, I found myself applying to my dream job in Colorado on a whim and accepting the job just a few weeks later.
When I moved to Denver, it was another huge change and this time, I hadn’t really prepared for any of it. I had a small community of people I knew but I was doing something completely different. I was a bundle of anxiety and wanted so badly to succeed in my new role. That became my primary focus.
In 2025…
I had a falling out with a few of my original friends in Denver, finding myself a bit lost without my original community. Not only did I find myself without these friends, but I also found myself grieving the loss without anyone to lean on. Mix that with a bit of seasonal depression and self-doubt, and I was just straight up not having a good time.
What I did (that worked):
I was booked and busy in 2025. Even though I didn’t always prioritize rest (and that’s a story for a different day), getting out of the house was the key to actually meeting people. Crazy stuff, I know.
Saying yes. A lot.
Any time I was invited to something, especially the first time, I always prioritized making it work. Invited to a book club? Yes, I’m in. Girls’ craft night? I’ll be there.
I arranged my schedule around these invites, worried that there might not be a chance to say yes a second time. In hindsight, there probably would have been at least a second invite, but you never know.
If you find yourself in a new place, say yes to everything you can. Perhaps you’ll discover it’s not for you, but maybe you’ll find yourself with a new group of friends.
I ended up on a comedy dating show, started attending a regular book club, I was interviewed on a podcast, and I met a new group of people at a music festival, all because I said yes.
Going alone.
I started doing this when I moved to Chicago, but part of building a community is having the courage to do something alone.
I started with just attending classes, especially art classes; they are one of the easiest things to do alone.
When I craved a little company and conversation, I’d sit at a bar.
Eventually, it got easier. Doing things with friends is fun, but sometimes going alone is needed.
Reinvesting in my hobbies.
I really threw myself back into my hobbies in 2025. From knitting to sewing to golf, I wanted to build communities around the things I loved, which is something I plan to continue in 2026.
During the summer, I worked as a youth golf coach and a retail associate at a sewing store. While this option might not be completely feasible for those not working on an academic calendar, I did volunteer as a golf coach for The First Tee when I worked a 9-5 schedule (and it accomplished the same thing).
I met people at my workplace who shared the same interests as I did. Not only that, but I was forced to show up, even when it didn’t feel as easy. I met several friends this way, both coworkers and just people who frequented those locations.
I also started taking regular art classes. I now find myself seeing the same people week after week as we work on our own paintings.
Knitting groups – you’re on the list for 2026.
What I’d tell myself now:
Community does not happen overnight. Sometimes, we might find ourselves immediately connected to some people, but that closeness is something that is built over time with consistency.
The move and job change was 100% worth it and may have been the best decision of my life so far, but that doesn’t negate the fact that the change was extraordinarily difficult.
If you’re thinking of making the leap, taking on that big life change, go for it. It won’t be easy, but as my parents have always said, some of the best things in life will take work. Just keep showing up, we’ve got this.
